“Fooling” the Drug Test System

The following question was posted on the website Marijuana.com (as the National Medical Review Officer for U.S. HealthWorks, I could hardly resist posting a reply):

Will I be observed at Healthworks Medical Group?

I have a drug test that is supposed to be at “US Healthworks Medical Group” through my school in Los Angeles, CA.

I am wondering if I will be in the room alone or is it possible I can be observed?

I assume that only probation type tests would have someone standing behind the individual doing the test, but I just wanted to confirm that as I would rather sneak in a sample than take my chances with a detox drink.

The test is due by next Friday. I have smoked high quality chronic since 2004 for about everyday and I have stopped since last Thursday.

I am 5’8 and 150, probably average metabolism and dont work out too much.

Anyways, confirmation of the legality/possibility of being observed would really relieve some of my stress. Its bad enough not smoking!

Thanks for your help!

While in general, I applaud preparation for any test, this is not the type of preparation that assures a positive outcome. This is one test you can’t study for.

1) Let’s start with the “detox drink.” If there is still someone on the planet that believes this clean-out business is real, I’m surprised. THC is the active ingredient in marijuana, and it is a fat soluble chemical. So a clean-out drink would have to dissolve all the fats in the body to actually have a chance of getting rid of the marijuana. Unfortunately you need some of that fat – it insulates your nerves; short circuits are called seizures. It also pads your feet; try walking on unpadded foot bones. Dissolving all the fat would be invariably fatal. From a purely economic standpoint, if this were even possible, the market would be in the weight-loss industry, not some tiny Internet company trying to beat drug screens.

2) What’s to stop someone from bringing in someone else’s clean urine for the test? Actually plenty. Urine is stored in the middle of the body. It comes out at body temperature, and we immediately check that. If you can prove you’re dead, and your body is room temperature, we might consider accepting a room temperature specimen. Otherwise, no way. So, like Goldilocks, the urine’s temperature has to be “just right.”

3) If you somehow manage to smuggle in someone else’s urine and it is positive, you, as the official “donor,” are stuck with the results. This is not without some humor.

4) Lastly, there is the issue of the observed collection. Observation is not usually needed to prevent fraud; we’re pretty good at catching donors trying to pass off somebody else’s specimen.

I close with a nod toward the eternal struggle between opposing forces. As long as there are drug screens, there will be people trying to beat them. Many of the people trying to beat them are on drugs, which probably lessens their success rate. Simultaneously, the labs are working on technologies that prevent this undermining of the system. Oral fluid testing is becoming more popular as every test is observed, and saliva is a good fluid to perform drug testing on.

The only truly effective way to pass a drug test is to stop using drugs and have enough time pass for them to be out of your system. Every unemployed person should seriously consider this as part of their plan to return to the world of the employed.

Good luck,

Dr. B

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